Why do you do me like this?
I feed you all the right things and I move you around a lot in the gym, and you still refuse to let go of the extra lbs you have!
Now, I’m speaking out of pure concern. Is there something I need to do better to help you get rid of the extra weight?
Sunday outfit: ralph lauren shirt, Alexander Wang tank, lauren conrad leggins and Lauren Conrad pumps that i wear around the house to break them in :)
I moved to this new place… a place that tends to be very close minded in terms of fashion and size.
I figured once i moved, i would start dressing more conservatively. But yet, the complete opposite has happened. I feel more liberated than ever, and Ive been taking more fashion chances than ever.
Hooray for outfit freedom!
It is Monday, September 26th, 2011. 3:46am. It’s the seventh night in a row that i cant sleep well.
I kbow the reason why. In less than two weeks, i will be moving to a different country by choice. I will not see my mother, sister or friends for at leaat a year.
During the past couple of weeks, ive come to realize how selfish everyone is. Not in a malicious way, but selfishness out of love. Ever since i announce my plans to move, it really hasnt been so much about me taking a new step in life, but about them figuring out what they will do without me. I am humbled by this feeling, as it truly shows the impact i have had in their lives and how much i am loved.
And yet, i feel so lonely. I am unable to share with them how excited/scared/worried/exhilerated i am about my upcoming move. Everytime i try to share, i am met with this look in their eyes… The “what am i going to do without you” look. So i dont.
I jumped out of bed about 10 minutes ago, finally giving up on sleeping. Finally realizing what is really haunting me; how is it that if i am so loved, i feel so alone?
I cant figure out if its me or them. Do i put nyself in the position of caretaker? Have i made my friendships mostly about them instead of me? Have i not shared enough? Do they really know me?
Or is it them? Are they so narrow minded that all they can think about is how this shakes their world? Dont they see that this is the best move for me at this time in my life?
In the light of day, i am sure ill realize that its probably a little of both. All relationships take effort from the parties involved. It is a give and take.
But in the darkness of my room, sitting on this broken arm chair that i refuse to throw away, i cant shake the feeling that i have played this all wrong. I withdrew, i may not have shared enough, i may not have shown my true self. And as a result, i am awake at 4 am, with a knot in my throat and nobody to talk to.
I just pray that i will master this thing, this whole love thing. Its probably one of those things we should never stop learning about.
Fall look by The Blonde Salad
London fashion week look by The Blonde Salad